He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
