God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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