I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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