I puked a lego.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
