apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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