Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
