nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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