i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
