so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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