before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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