So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
