I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
