i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
