R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
whose parrot is this?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
