kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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