I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
