If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
