he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
