it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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