I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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