He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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