Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
