I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
