I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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