still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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