I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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