it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
