we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
