I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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