don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
