I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
