the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize