I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
