My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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