Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
