put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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