Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
