apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
