oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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