please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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