"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think people are normalizing furries
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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