it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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