Whod you bang
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
