How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
