I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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