Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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