I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
