I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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