and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
