At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
