Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Boobs speak an international language.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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