Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
