Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
