She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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