One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
