No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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