Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
