with your own penis?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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