Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
