apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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