the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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