I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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