You're so nebulous sometimes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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