Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
