i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
