just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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