i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
