he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
