so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
