I'd wear matching sweaters with you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
