just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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