somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
