My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
