I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
