You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
