Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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